Yes I Am Single and No We Don't Need To Talk About It

There comes a time in everyone’s life when being single just isn’t ok anymore. As soon as you start ticking the 25-29 box, your love life, or lack thereof, becomes everyone’s concern.

It’s not enough that society and babybook facebook bombard you with images of what you have yet to achieve, people have a tendency to bombard you with comments and questions concerning your relationship status. Whether you are actively looking for that special someone or really enjoying your solo time, with time, the repetitive shit getting thrown your way gets a toll on you…and just plain starts to piss you off.

-So…Are you still single?
The classic. The key that opens up the door to singleton Narnia. It doesn’t matter with what tone you answer, how long you’ve been single for or whether it was your decision or not. If you say “Yes”, you are doomed.

Why are you single?
What are you expecting to hear here… I’m single because I’m single. got it?!

-Are you dating/going out enough? Are you even trying?
No! But thanks for being there for me and setting me on the right track. Asshole.

-Have you tried online dating?
For fuck sake, listen up: if someone doesn’t bring it up, it’s because they don’t want to talk about whether they have or haven’t. Stop being so nosey.

-Don’t worry, he/she’s out there!
Thank you for telling me! Do I come off as some sad lonely puppy right now?

-Do you still talk to your ex? Is HE/SHE dating someone new?
Well thanks for putting that person back in my head, you tactful human being. (On the off chance the ex is in fact dating someone else) Well I guess I was the fuck up in the relationship. (If not)  Well now I’m wondering why. Great.

-You aren’t THAT young anymore… don’t you want to settle down?
For the record, I’m not 50 and I won’t settle for anyone because “I’m not THAT young anymore.” Also, maybe that’s not my priority right now. But, thanks for that! I feel great now!

-Anyone would be lucky to have you!
Arg just shut the fuck up.

-Don’t worry, He/She’s out there!
Get out of my face now.

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