I’m in LOOOV… No wait… I’m not: 36 questions of Bulls**t

OMG. I’m engaged!
HA! You wish!

Turns out – hu hu hu BIG FUCKING SURPRISE – 36 questions are NOT all it takes to fall in love. I called bullshit on Dr. Psycho-lover then, and after going on a date of my own with a complete stranger, I can reiterate that this so-called scientist pulled his crap theory so far out of his ass, there’s still food residue on his study.

If truth be told, aside from an absolute stroke of luck and a case of love at first sight, I wasn’t counting on spending V-Day smooching prince charming.  I knew the date would go OK at the very least thanks to the 36-question evening plan and to, well, me that’s so easily entertained. Dull moment approching? I think not. I was armed and ready.

But butterflies didn’t flutter.

Now, don’t get me wrong, my evening with… let’s call him Barry, went really well. Better than well even. And I have to admit Barry IS quite a catch (handsome, tall-ish, funny, etc.)

Given the opportunity, I would probably go on another date with the guy. BUT, contrary to what the ill-advised study suggests, I am not currently planning a wedding, much less my own.

I tried, with this experiment, to be as objective as possible, so here is what I objectively learned:

  • Consider not doing this at all.
  • If after considering not doing this at all, you get arm-twisted into it, cross your fingers your chosen partner will have some actual substance. I’d hate for you to spend an entire evening with someone who answers ‘Marilyn Monroe’ to the question: What person, dead or alive, would you want to have over for dinner. I don’t care what people say, there ARE wrong answers to these questions. No offense to gorgeous Marilyn.
  • If you’re stubborn and won’t even consider not doing this goddamn test, try answering the questions with someone you at least somewhat know. Or better yet, if you ARE in a relationship, answer these with your lover over 1, quite possibly 2 bottles of wine. Some questions are decent enough and open the door to pretty interesting answers, even if you know the person. For myself, I felt a bit weird asking Barry how he thought he would DIE (!) when I didn’t even know his age or what he did for a living.
  • MANY of these questions sound like they were written by a 1950’s Christian preacher straight out of Texas: ‘’For what in your life do you feel the most grateful?’’ And that’s just question #9.
  • You better have a lot of free time on your hands; the predicted 90 minutes to complete the task is far from accurate if you are both normal humans. We were at the bar for a good 3 ½ hours, not that anybody minded. Barry’s suggestion: if you want to skip a question, you have to do a shot!
  • 4 minutes of eye gazing. We didn’t do this. I didn’t even put it on the table. There was NO WAY I could’ve managed. NO WAY. NO.

I’m sorry if any of you were counting on this to lasso-in a hottie to cuddle up with during the last stretch of winter. You might, but I doubt it.
We all knew that though, didn’t we?

Dates are supposed to be unexpected and exciting, and nerve racking.  If you’re so gitty that you need a gin-only, double shot of courage before even stepping out your house to go to said date, that’s when you know it’s good. Until then, take comfort in Netflix dear friends, Spring is only 43 days away!

Oh, and thanks Barry; you were quite possibly the best guinea pig I could’ve asked for!